What Book Groups Would Look Like With Famous Authors in Charge

Oh, this was fun. Originally published at Book Riot.


Part drinking society, part book club. Drinking is mandatory, in fact. Discussion tends to focus on how we each injured ourselves while reading that month’s book. Lacerating paper cuts to both eyes is common, as is walking absent-mindedly off piers into shark-infested waters. In accordance with the iceberg theory, please limit any comments to bursts of five words or less. Arm-wrestling contest to choose the next book.


Humans and cats are equally welcome and unwelcome. We mostly discuss what we thought of the shadow cast by the book while we were reading it. Sometimes we choose random words from randomly selected pages and discuss what these might reveal to us about obscure historical battles.


All discussion takes place through interwoven interior monologues. In this manner, we often find that everyone else agrees with us. Our usual meeting place is The Lighthouse pub (subject to inevitable last-minute changes).


We usually meet inside your house when we feel like it. Each month’s book is decided retrospectively at the start of the next meeting. We reserve the right to expel members (and non-members) who fail to attend meetings or read the books. If you wish to appeal, please follow our simple procedure.


There are five separate groups which meet on different days to discuss different aspects of the book. Each group has a specific dress code – please check this and colour-coordinate appropriately. The alternative to order is chaos, and we do not care for chaos.


We only discuss the opening line of the book. Members typically make an opening statement, and then spend the rest of the meeting repeating and perfecting it. A list of the sentences we’ve previously read is available on our website.


We meet in the dream crash underground of the fresh infinite glorious. Usually outdoors. Though we may not discuss the book, or meet at all. Scrolls are where it’s at. Don’t be a nark.


Members chose their own books. We encourage you to talk over each other, or whisper your thoughts to yourself in a corner, or use the book as a starting-point for your life story (and that of your great-grandparents). We usually meet in Starbucks (bring your own spray-paint and banners).


Meet in Giovanni’s room. We always choose The Fire next time (sorry).

No Blank Spaces
No Blank Spaces

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